"Blogger Breakdown" sounds so dramatic, right? And I feel silly and nervous about sharing this.
After all, no one is making me blog, so why am I stressed? And there are bigger problems in the world than this. Plus, there are plenty who have kids, work, go to school, etc, with more responsibilities than I.
But I'm freaking out. Where's the chapter on what to do when you're having a Blogger Breakdown?
I feel like I'm swimming, swimming to keep my head above water, and yet I'm still sinking.
I feel like I'm alone, but I know I can't be the only one who feels like this.
The truth is, I'm overwhelmed. And I don't have any answers on how to fix this.
I'm trying to be everything for everyone. And I'm not getting nearly enough back.
I wake up at 5am, blog, work, and blog until midnight.
And all for a 30 second view of my blog and a possible comment.
But I love blogging. I just don't know how to handle it all.
How do you handle when a commenter doesn't believe your results on a product? When you spend over a month researching, recording results, thoroughly reviewing, only to feel your integrity attacked?
How do you handle the daily "follow my blog" comments or the commenters who don't read the post at all, skip to the comments, and copy one as their own thoughts? Or just flat out copy your posts?
How do you handle when any mention of your blog on Instagram always gets the fewest likes?
How do you handle it when you're unfollowed or not responded to, for no reason?
How do you handle when a blogger lists her favorite beauty bloggers and you're not on it?
Normally, I shrug it off, thankful for what I do have. It's part of the job. I have to do more. I need to be better.
But I'm human and sometimes it gets to me. I'm busting my ass, sacrificing personal relationships for this blog I love so much. Because I believe in this blog, and most importantly, myself.
I have anxiety, guilt, stress, that I'm not doing nearly enough.
And so I realized I was having a Blogger Breakdown.
I realized it when I noticed I had forgotten to pay a bill.
I realized it when I never can relax, because I always have so much to do, and there's another blogger out there, who's working twice as hard. I need to work harder. I need to be better.
I realized it when I spend more time on my phone or computer than with loved ones, and especially when in the company of loved ones. Their patience with me is growing thin.
Because if I don't answer that comment, that tweet, email, or visit that blog, everyone will forget about my blog, seeking answers somewhere else. I want to be that must-see blog you visit daily, not because you're being courteous, but because you want to visit.
And I feel like I'm not allowed to talk about it. Just don't blog if it's such a hassle, right? But this is something I love, want to do, and need to do.
It's not burnout--the ideas, the passions are all still there. And I still plan on blogging.
I just hope you'll be there for the ride.