Is it possible to be stomach-dropping-nervous twice in a week? First it was the anticipation of meeting Derek Lam, and now tomorrow I have an interview with a TV production company.
Yeah, I know, I can’t believe it either. In fact, when this company contacted me a month ago, I was sure it was a scam. It reminded me of the time when I was in sixth grade, and a popular guy at school called me over the phone and asked me out on a date. I was so sure he was playing a prank on me that I burst into tears, accused him of lying and told him it wasn’t nice to play mean jokes. It didn’t matter that he sounded sincere, that he insisted he wasn’t lying, and gave me reasons on what he liked about me. Just the day before another boy had asked me, “Do you know just how ugly you are?” and suddenly, those were all the words that mattered. I was convinced, then, that I would never be wanted. I would never be loved by anyone (except perhaps my own family).
And so when this company wrote an email saying how they found my blog, enjoyed my writing, and would be interested in interviewing me as a candidate for an upcoming TV show, my first thought was, This can’t be for real. Things like this never happen to me. They happen to other people, beautiful people, witty people, but not me. Just as I was about to trash the email, a nudging feeling made me think maybe I should check out their website, do a little research. And that’s when I realized, um, shows featured on PBS and Discovery Channel are pretty legit.
And so here I am, butterflies in my stomach, not having the slightest clue how it will go tomorrow. Maybe they’ll realize that I’m too fidgety with my hands, that my voice is a little too quiet, or too loud, and that I say way too many “uhhs” and “umms.” It’s hard to not be tempted to act a certain type. It’s hard to remember that you were created just the way you are. That no one else can be like you, so why bother being someone else?
Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else. -Judy Garland