1) Learn how to perfect the on-screen kiss. Go to the right. ALWAYS GO TO THE RIGHT. And when there is an awkward silence (...always?), go for it.

2) Know how to have a romantic conversation filled with heartfelt thoughts and arm caresses even though you can't hear the lovely background music we all can at home while watching from our couch. Sex and romance sells. Get dramatic. Run your fingers through his hair and take long pauses while speaking in slow-mo. That should do it.

3) Master the art of looking sexy yet graceful while you run and jump into his arms, wrapping your legs around his toned bod. I believe Sean was actually called "beefy and hunky" in Monday's episode, although I have to disagree. I'm not sure how any of these girls haven't knocked him down or fallen, but I guess this is why it isn't live TV. Anyway, practice with your roommate, an ex-boyfriend, a wanna-be boyfriend, a stranger...

4) Work out. Before you audition, during the audition, after you make it on the show...you need to know how to burn those cals. Thankfully you won't be topless like Sean in almost every scene, but you get plenty of bikini shots the longer you make it through this cringe-worthy show (clearly I still watch it but that's not the point). Sure, Sean "cares about who you are on the inside" but COME ON he is half-naked most of the time. He clearly is checking you out 24/7.

5) Accept heartbreak in beautiful fashion. This means wearing waterproof mascara to every rose ceremony and only crying if you're a proven "pretty crier." If you're an ugly crier, you will forever be haunted by those two painful minutes in the back of a black SUV on your way down a winding hill (bonus points if it's raining or storming) away from the "love of your life." That you met three weeks ago.

Get real, ladies. Disaster in the making. NO ONE FALLS IN LOVE IN 6 WEEKS OR LESS AND MAKES IT LAST.

......Except Trista and Ryan, they made it work. Sigh.